Most of us who mix in Christian circles could, if pressed, named a Christian clique (if you can’t you’re in one!). In fact there’s a whole stereotype built up around them, the Holy Huddle, the Gospel Grouping, the Kingdom Kollective…ok, I jest, but there is more than a large element of truth in what I say. Christians seem to have a gift for being ‘cliquey’. Before I begin I should add that I’m not saying it’s wrong to have a group of close friends. But it is wrong for them to be your only friends. This will hopefully make more sense as I go on. And I’m not just speaking about a Christian/non Christian divide. No, Christian cliques will often exclude other Christians as well which is particularly damning – we are, after all, brothers and sisters in Christ, citizens of heaven, co-heirs in Christ, members of God’s household, one in Christ. The Bible Bit “My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favouritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?” James 2 v 1 - 4 James talks about the sin of showing favouritism. He uses the example of rich and poor. I think it’s fair to say that Christian cliques are not in modern times based on this. Instead they show a different kind of social favouritism that can be hard to define as it rather nebulous. Cliques can form around year groups, church groups, ‘cool’ groups, sports groups, theological groups and even just friend groups. Every clique shares the common feature of being exclusive – some people are part of it; some are not. In other words every clique breaks the clear Biblical teaching not to show favouritism. Let’s get this out: at the heart of every clique is selfishness. Cliques are self centred, they do not care about those outside them, they do not think about others outside them. It is not that cliques ‘deliberately’ seek to be exclusive it is that they do not seek to be otherwise. Why are Christians so good at cliques? On a basic level it doesn’t and shouldn’t make sense. We have the example of Jesus who talked to all people in love and never turned anyone away. We have the command of the Bible to ‘love your neighbour as yourself’ – to love everyone, unconditionally. We know that fellow Christians are our family. How then, by any stretch of the imagination, do we think that being in a clique is fine? I think the main reason is that we do not think. Because of our inherent selfishness we rarely pause to consider anyone outside of our immediate friend group. The next reason is the ‘someone else’s problem’ mindset. We see a person sitting on their own and decide that someone should speak to them, just not us, because, well, just because! Then there’s a kind of institutional laziness where as a clique we just can’t be bothered to be outward looking and non clique centred. And finally if we’re in a clique then it is rare for anyone to challenge us because the only people we talk with are in the exact same boat as us. Cliques can often be a friend group’s default setting. We like the security they offer, the consistence and by sheer apathy we allow ourselves to fall into inward, clique centred, selfish thinking. Cliques are wrong These are pathetic excuses when viewed under the light of God’s word. “If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbour as yourself," you are doing right. But if you show favouritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.” James 2 v 8 – 9 James packs the punches here: favouritism is a sin. Cliques then are sinful. Too often I’ve heard of people being put off churches and CUs because of unfriendliness, because of self centeredness, because of cliques. We’re to love everyone. Everyone. No, not just your immediate friends, for as Jesus says even the ‘tax collectors’ do that. For a modern version of tax collectors think Islamic terrorists. Are you in a clique? As I write this I find myself asking this question: Am I in a clique? I hope not. Maybe I am, maybe I’m shutting myself up to non-Christian friendships, maybe there are other Christians I should be speaking to, maybe there are people out there who I could argue theology with and as of yet haven’t. These are dark thoughts. So, how can you tell if you’re in a clique? Well, you can count the number of new friends you’ve made in the last few weeks. If you can’t then…Or you could honestly ask yourself if you’re open to new friendships, meeting new people, maybe people you might not normally consider friend material…Search your heart, examine your friendships, don’t just let this slide. I hope that you’ll pray about it, ask God to show you if you’ve in a clique and then be prepared for a hard answer. On a cynical note if you find yourself suffering from an irrational objection to what I’ve discussed, a guilty feeling, a strong adverse reaction or if you’re going into denial then you’re in one. It might not be a question you can answer easily. I know that I’m still pondering it over. Deciding the balance between having close friends I regularly speak to (which is highly recommended) and having an exclusive friend group I rarely break out of. How can we break the clique? Let’s say you think about it, you pray about it and you realise that you are, without previously being aware of it, in a clique. What can you do? If this happens to me what can I do? Well, as with all things, the first and most important action we take is to pray. We need to ask God to shake us out of our selfishness, our self centeredness and to raise up new friends for us. We need to ask for a heart overflowing with love to everyone, an inclusive rather than exclusive attitude. And we need to make a sustained effort to think of others before ourselves. This is hard; it will be impossible without prayer and the grace of God. We need to stop focusing on ourselves and look beyond. We need to stop viewing it as someone else’s problem and see it as our fault, our sin that we need to put to death. We need to take seriously the command to love one another, love everyone, love our enemies, love, love, love. Final thoughts Cliques thrive on apathy and lack of action. They spring up so easily unless we take great care. To think that we’re free of cliquey tendencies is to lie to ourselves. We need to work against the temptation, we need to pray about it constantly and above all we need to follow the commands of the Bible to love everyone and not to show favouritism. What is embarrassing is that I know non Christians who are less cliquey than Christians. As a community we need to think and pray long and hard about this searching our lives and reaching out to others. I think it’s time to break this stereotype, it’s gone on too long and has been far too damaging. It’s time to awaken from our selfishness, take a long hard look at ourselves and earnestly seek to love all without favouritism. It is time, in other words, to live up to the example our Saviour Jesus Christ set for us. It is time to seek God and ask for the grace to be given us to break stereotype and become true examples of the love that Christ has shown us.
10 Comments
Ali
19/10/2010 08:22:58 am
I like this Ben - really sound and relevant
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Peter
25/10/2010 08:28:52 am
Good post Ben, can't help but accuse other people of this when in reality I have done so many times. It is all to easy to set up social situations just for an easy ride and in doing so we are often being sinful without realizing it. Personally I think this is one of the most (actually one of the many) (just the one which I find most hurtful which I guess says something about my idolatory of people opinions and lack of dependency on Christ) overlooked sinful behaviour patterns in our churches today. And I guess prayer and a submission to Christ is
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ja454
22/3/2013 05:30:15 pm
This truly gave me a sense of freedom as I experience this in my own household with Christian roommates who act this way with their "friends", meanwhile we are all supposed to be brothers and sisters in Christ.
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Matha Maingi
4/7/2014 04:59:46 am
I thank God that I have read your article. I belong to a Church which is very repelling because there are so many cliques. I stay in an area where almost everyone is very affluent, have built very beautiful and magnificent houses, and generally, almost all of them have Masters and PhD degress. They have formed themselves in groups and I have noticed that even in the Church choir and cell groups, the cliques have such a very big impact to the extent that if you happen to come to Church and find yourself sitting with a member of the very well to do and well educated Church member, this member will rise up very fast and go to sit with those of their class. This is so embarrassing and in fact, my small brother's wife is a member of very many social groups in the church. We are in the same cell group and church choir but of late, I am so afraid of even sitting close to her because we do not talk to each other and when I sit near her, she rans very fast to sit with those of higher ranking especially some doctors who are well to do. I have been thoroughly embarrassed in Church and everybody knows that she is my sister in law and since she has talked very bad things about me to them, they also look down on me and my daughter. I am a widow and feel very ashamed and thoroughly embarrassed such that nowadays, we have even stopped attending the same cell group which is a requirement by the Catholic church. The choir masters are relatives of one of the top ladies in their clique and they make very negative comments. One day, I suggested that as a choir, it would be very important to involve the fellow Christians and not to sing songs which are very new such that they Christians just look at us as if it is a performance. I was put off so badly by other members of the Church choir who really respect people on the grounds of what they have and how educated they are. The choir masters who are very young men of less than 30 years of age hate me so much and recently, my daughter who is 17 years told me to learn to shut up whenever I am with such groups. I feel very confused and do not know what to do. I love praise and God because I know that God has commissioned me to serve him. In fact, during the wedding of my brother, I came to learn about it from one of the clique members. I helped to pay school fees for my brother and I just expected some little respect.
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Wendy
4/11/2014 12:38:38 am
Sorry that you went through that, Matha. I have felt that way many times and went so far as to avoid church functions outside of worship services for close to two years because I have been hurt by people in cliques. God revealed to me through the Bible, however, that He wanted me to be one of the people to break the clique barrier. I started to go back to the functions I used to attend at church, and purposely reached out to long-term church members as well as new people so that they would not feel excluded. Do your best to reach out to EVERYONE at church; and, if they still treat you badly, know that God does not approve of their behavior. They are going against the Scriptures that condemn favoritism. Know that Jesus would never do that to you. He reached out to everyone, rich and poor. He had no discrimination. He died for the sins of the world. Everyone has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. God sent Jesus Christ to die for those sins we all committed, even those sins we don't even see as big (lying, cheating, stealing small or big things, hating someone, lusting after someone, coveting someone's possessions, FAVORITISM, the list goes on). Jesus loved EVERYONE so much that whoever turns from their sins and puts their faith and trust in His death and resurrection, that person will be saved from hell. Remember that whatever mankind will do in their sinfulness, God does not approve of. Be different. Be the change. Be the person who loves everyone the same. This is only possible through the grace of God...through being saved from hell by faith and repentance...through relying on Him for strength day to day. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. <3 Much love to you, Matha.
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22/11/2015 06:26:18 am
Now you guys have a clique, The criticize cliques "clique" Why aren't you, using the word to admonish them,?Try rebuking them to their face? Perhaps it isn't the clique, it is that your not invited? All churches have these and they can seem harsh, territorial, Forgo the bake sale, the fishing trip, and the cliques and lead someone to Christ! If you really have an issue, Do it biblical, after your calm, write how you feel down, Then burn it, Forgive them, They are human, Hey I have an idea, Take some one with you and let them know that they are SINNING! In church, by not letting anyone who does not have a commonality, (worldly stuff) in their club,,,If they don't listen, Take it to the elders, If not Treat them like an unbeliever! Its not their fault, It is the fault of the Pastor and he has an agenda called, Don' offend anyone as long as their tithing. IT ORGANIZED RELIGION! Your offended! That is a sin! A sin here and there, If you look for sin you will find it, Look to yourself Jesus is the standard....Uh? It got mighty quite in here!
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Andy
17/7/2016 10:52:07 pm
Hi guys, I get what you're saying about this becoming clique too if we're not careful but just to point out, Ben did exactly that, addressed the problem biblically - I've never fitted in really anywhere and have always ended up cast out on the fringes... And then found myself becoming a street pastor (open to all, not a clique!) - it has hurt like crazy for so many years but I'm trying to do something godly with it all now and try to show Jesus to folk on the streets. God bless
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Gwen
18/7/2016 02:14:11 am
That's awesome! Keep at it.
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Ken
5/4/2017 07:10:27 pm
The problem has to be identified by the pastor and addressed from the front by way of a strong message about self-centeredness, and Jesus command to love one another "just as I have loved you"- unconditionally!
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