There is a regrettable tendency in Christian circles to make too much of marriage and relationships so to correct the balance here's a collection of hard won wisdom on singleness. I call it hard won because I learnt most of these lessons the hard way and I call it wisdom because not a single piece of it is from me! All of it has dropped, like the proverbial pearl, from the tongues of others and it is all routed in biblical wisdom. The Superiority of Jesus Christ over the opposite sex The four great words to remember here are: no marriage in heaven. Well, that's not entirely true, there is marriage in heaven but it is the marriage of Christ and the church. This should remind us that Jesus should be first in our hearts for that's where he'll be when we're in heaven! It's good to keep this sense of perspective: human marriage is finite and only a picture of the eternal union of Christ and the church. Likewise, Jesus died for your sins, he is your High Priest, you have no better friend, when everything is taken from you then through Christ you can still have lost nothing. Compared to your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, well, it's not a competition. You can lose a human relationship; you can't lose Christ, he will not allow it. Don't make a relationship an idol. "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. (Jeremiah 2v13) Don't dig a marriage cistern, keep in mind that God is the spring of living water. There is a time to be single - enjoy it!
Ecclesiastes declares that: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." (3v1) This includes singleness and relationships. The grass isn't greener on the other side. If you spend your time thinking: if only I was in a relationship then you'll get to the point where you'll think: if only I was single. All times are from God, he orders our lives, trust his judgement, it's better than your own. Singleness is great. Enjoy it - it could well be the lesser part of your life. Pray that God would teach you to be content in every stage of life. Put on patience and submission to God's will and enjoy the benefits of singleness: less responsibility, a simpler life, more time to devote to God and other things, etc. You'll be just as much a mess in a relationship as you are being single As Driscoll so memorably puts it: sinner + sinner does not equal happiness. If you think a relationship will make you happy then you actually need more Jesus. There is happiness to be found in a relationship but it will not serve as your ultimate happiness. There are many problems in your life and with your character that only Jesus can solve. If you struggle with insecurity, lust, depression, pride, and so on when you're single then you'll face different manifestations of the same struggle when you're not single. To get anywhere with these struggles you need more Jesus. Have other interests If you're only interested in getting into a relationship it will make you a very boring person. And then when you do get into one you will find that your life is rather shallow. Be a busy person with varied interests. Take up knitting, extreme ironing, whatever. Holiness should be your ultimate desire not marriage. Build meaningful friendships with the same sex "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27 v 17 The friendships that mean most to me are the one with other men. Not only are they a lot more simple to manage but they keep me sharp and accountable. There is, in the church, a great need for older guys to meaningfully befriend younger guys and as a general rule single guys have more time for this than ones in a relationship. Relationships are great - don't be put of To balance out this balancing out: for most of us singleness will just be for a time. God said: "It's not good for a man to be alone" and at the right time he will provide. Don't go too far the other way and neglect relationships for wrong reasons. Commit it to the Lord in prayer As with everything: if you struggle with finding the balance here then pray about it. I learnt the hard way because I'm slow, stubborn and perverse. And no doubt I'll have to relearn lessons here for the same reasons. But I will testify to the power of prayer in tearing down idols and bringing me back to God. I've written a similar post on relationships here if you feel like further reading.
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